I think I sound alittle too angry on my previous entry. But well, though I'm still a little nuts, I'm feeling better now. Especially when my chinese paper is over. Well, it's not tooo bad, it was alright. But you know, all along, the answer key and I just can't click. Just hope for the best, I believe my hard work would pay off.

Anyway, to keep my 30/5 Chinese paper memorable, I shall just post it up. So in the morning, When I was about the leave house, I saw my mum waiting for me at the door step and said " come, i fetch you to school", aww how lucky, second time in my life, i'm sitting my mum's car. k whatever, back to the point. So when I reached school, I drank the coffee that my mum buoght the day before, and it's a brand that I've never tried. So the coffee is actually high in milk. Being nervous, and bcos of the coffee I had a very bad diarrhoea :( so baddd. So yeah, sat for the paper and I think I'm crazy to actually do the situational writing that I've never tried.

If I get an A2, I'm gonna but 3 packets of tissue from the auntie outside Yewtee Mrt, and run a 10km marathon. Ok, don't mark my words. So yeah, I finished one paper and it felt as if O's over. Then headed out to ball with some of my primary school peeps, it's awesomezzzz. I miss balling, life was so much better when I have basketball :(

So now, my whole body is aching from head to toe and I need to wake up in 7 hours time for lessonz. Me no like mua holidayz.

Ok back to reality. This world is ugly. haha

Cheeebong bong bong bongggg. I re-read all my posts till April 2010. I myself, saw the contrast between my 2010 posts to my 2011 posts. You see, I used to be humorous(maybe) in my blog posts, cracking little jokes. But right now, my posts are most of the time short, with very upset words and sentences. It's like I'm using different platforms to rant my unhappiness, to vent my anger. Tell me what's up with me.

I USED TO enjoy life so much, and the word to emphasise on is USED TO. No, it's not the problem of growing up. It's the problem of understanding and knowing how bad the situation is. How bad, this whole problem is. Realising what it's gonna happen in the future. Yes, it's all about my past. I kept having nightmares, dreamt that I went back to my past, in that house. Facing people that makes me upset. Having to face all these problems ALL BY MYSELF.

Fucked up, everything. You know, throughout my life, I wouldn't let anything affect my character in school. But on that particular day, I felt ... it's like I can't get back up at all.

This isn't the Pamela I knew.

Pam oh pam. Sometimes you gotta learn how to put the past behind and not live in your own shadow.

Pam oh pam, you're taking your MT paper in 2 days time and you shouldn't get distracted.

Pam oh Pam, do you even know what you want in life?

That's all, Goood bye

SICK.TIRED.WEAK.

Alright, so today marks the last chapter, or maybe last page of my journey being in Team Unity. This journey wasn't easy, but it was definitely and fruitful and awesome one. Remember how I entered this team, remember how this team mada a different in me. I gotta say that without this team, I would be a totally different person. It's funny how the word LAST affected me so much. How all the memories make my tears flow down naturally. Yesterday and today, was memorable, was tearful.

The day before our battle, we went over to Nana's place to analyze the game as well as some motivational talk by our beloved captains. You see, the moment I watched the video that Xf made two years ago, I teared. Or in fact, i cried. That year, was bad, was memorable. Was something that no words can decribe. Revisiting that moment, all those memories just have to flash pass my head. All of us cried like cry babies. But tell me, when are we going to cry like that again?

Today, before the match, all of us had a common dream, a common goal. We were full of hopes, singing and laughing. Upon reaching the stadium, everything felt as per normal. Ok, maybe a little nervous. Throughout the match, we were losing them. Till a moment when we had a tie, tadah, the hope is there again. So during the 3rd quarter, our only point guard fouled out. On the beginning of 4th quarter, another player foul out. So naturally, all of us were worried, but it made me want to fight even harder. Well, at the end, we lost by 6 points.

I don't know how to describe that feeling. It's like, I'm sad that we lost, I'm sad that this is my final game. I'm sad that I'm leaving this coach. I'm touched that coach did not even shout at me today at all, but just kept motivating me. I'm sad that we did not reach our aim. I'm sad that I'll never have this feeling again, just how much i love this team.

It is my honour and glory to have these team mates. I've never ever regretted participating in every training, in every suffering, in fact it was a blessing. I've never regretted spending so much time on this game throughout my secondary school life. Without this game, I would not have this team.

Thank you to each and everyone of you, who made this day such a memorable one. Team mates, Nana, Xiaofei, Olivia, Nana's mum, teachers, friends and classmates. I feel so bless, to have every single one of them with me.

This is it, LAST prize presentation.

So i was browsing through my photo albums to look for a new profile picture, and most of them are photos with this team. I was smiling and laughing while looking through those photos. Observing how much we have change throughout these years. taller/fatter/slimmer/prettier. I can't imagine my jouney being in this wonderful team is ending next week.

From strangers, to team mates, to friends, to close friends, to enemies, to a so call sister-sister bond. How things change. But sad to say, as time passes, we tends to take things for granted. And I gotta admit that I felt it, and am guilty of it. It's like how we treat our family members. But well, situation change, people change and no one can be blame. but nevertheless, this team, is one that I'll never forget for the rest of my life.

Shall, not get emotional now, leave it for the 28th of april.

It's funny how enemies two years ago, can be such great friends today. Thinking about it, the past is such a joke. Two days ago, we made Unity Bdiv girls enter the national top 4 once again ever since 2008. It was a proud moment. And a touching scene as well.

There's this friend, call chicken, who told me that we would enter the top 4 together when we realise that we were in the same grouping. So on that very day, we won, and they are out. And she, came over and told me words of encouragement, instead of me comforting her. It's like zomg, never been this touched seriously. This friend, will never be forgotten.

So yes, WE ARE FINALLY IN THE TOP 4. But to bring our aim higher, we shall now aim for the finals. I want to leave this school with something memorable.

Alright, Semi-finals on monday, against scgs. Let's go TEAM UNITY. Last 2 matches babeh, and it's time to say goodbye.

I'm so damn tired of every single thing.

I want to get lost. :(

If I'm not gonna care about my future, who will?

When a situation occurs, a decision is made.

But the hardest part is still the action.

For my life, I'll do it.

And I really hope I mean it this time. For a change.

Actually I did enter this space a couple of times, but I really have no idea if I should start on my ranting spree here again. You see, I've been ranting again and again, and nothing seems to be changing. It's like my mind is set, but I'm not making any progress.. Well, life is full of headaches, and my headaches comes from 3 different aspects. A lame example is that I'm telling myself that I'm gonna get an A2 for my chinese paper and I'm still slacking and failing away. You see, this part of me is sucha turn off. Ok, quit ranting, a good week ahead.

To the happier stuff, We got west zone champ 3 weeks ago!

Arghhh, I know I'm not suppose to be using the laptop now, but i'm seriously going insane~ Ahh, I've been telling myself that I'm not nervous or whatsoever. But the effect is coming! It's happening now! I wanna scream! It may sound exaggerating, but it's really crazy. Why? Bcos I've been waiting to play finals for like 1 whole bloody year! Bcos I failed last year, and I wanna get back there! Do you know that kind of feeling!?

Ok, chill. *breath in and out, Out and in*

So tmr..

I, Pamela Loh, will COMPOSE MYSELF.
I, Pamela Loh, will keep calm throughout the match, regardless winning or losing.
I, Pamela Loh, will minimise the turnovers.
I, Pamela Loh, will not get angry.
I, Pamela Loh, will make an effort to put in every basket.
I, Pamela Loh, will never ever give up.
I, Pamela Loh, will not be USELESS TMR!

We, USSBBG, is going to win. We are going to put up an awesome performance.

NO TEARS TOMORROW!

Ohmama, look at those abs. I want it! Haha, but I doubt i'm working towards it. Loool, i've been eating like a glutton. I spend my money on food when I said that I'm on a diet. And my diet plan only lasted for 3 days i guess? But well, it's gonna be semis soon, I can't let myself be skinny and weak and let them push around right.

Anyway, we had training for this entire week. Monday was normal training, Tues was 10 rounds around the field, which was good and awesome(no joke), plus some physical training. Wed, normal training, thursday is 10 rounds around the canteen plus some revising of formations. And Lastly, on TGIF, it's normal training again. You see, this week is indeed a very tiring week. With some council issues to settle, trainings, test and everything. It's definitely not easy.

I set up a timetable for myself to do revision everyday. Though I didn't go according to my timetable, but I still managed to make a slight improvement. Which is good. Sec 4 life isn't easy at all! I don't even have time for myself. Weekdays, lessons, AEP, training, self revision. Nah, I'm not ranting, in fact I gotta say that I'm sort of enjoying the process. Though i'm really guilty for my terrible attitude during self trainings. It's like I'm asking myself in my head " didn't you said that you're gonna do anything just to win this semis !?". But I'm seriously very tired on some days, and that explains my foul attitude.

Well, I went to some kindergaten today to do my CIP and it was good! Because they are frigging cute. And it sort of reminds me of my kindergarten days. I remembered that I wasn't a cute kid at all when I was 5/6 years old. I look at my kindergraten photo and I have this need-a-smacking face. haha.

Alright that's all I guess. I feel like running the track or something now. Lol, and, I didn't know that the feeling of TGIF could be soo good till this year. It makes me smile. Like there's finally a rest day after 5 LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG days.

Alright, i'm back. didn;t bother to step in here for the pass few weeks. Like what's the point when everything that I'm gonna say is just negative stuff. Ok, so here's a summary of these few weeks.

Well, I don't know why(maybe bcos of being a sec4 kid), I'll feel extremely worn out by the end of the week. Like I'll always have this very "TGIF' kind of feeling. But, my weekends ain't any awesome. I've gotta rush all my homework, esp my chinese. And ya, so many other stuff that just screw my weekends away. I guess I really have to adapt to this bcos it's gonna get tougher after this month. (ohno) Matches, trainings, homework, school, extra lessons. (N)

Anw, for this year, I'm kind of scared for this season. Though we manage to enter top 4, but this isn't the end of it. I really really wanna push myself harder, and get back all my confidence. I'm failing. Well, just hope that I'll make full use of next week to get back whatever that I've lost.

Today, marks the end of my u15 jouney. I remember hesitating about joining since i know my standard. But I've never regretted making this choice as I met really awesome people who i'll miss so damn freaking much. And all the drills that we did, which I enjoyed doing actually. The coach, the people there are just nice. Aw man, now i'm in a dilemma. Should I continue to u17 or should I just concentrate more on my studies(hopefully). Sigh, hate to make decisions that would affect my future.

Actually if i look deeper. I've got like alot of decisions to make. JC or poly? If i go JC, can i cope? DSA? and if i go for DSA, I need to have a record of being in the u17 so that I'll enter the school easier. And if I DSA, what school can I go to? A levels? If I choose Poly, what course can I enter? Is that course the best for me? How much should I aim? Will I regret entering a poly? See, these questions have been pondering in my mind. Sigh, and the best part, I've gotta really make a choice soon so that I would not be so vex and that I'll have an aim. What's more, I believe that DSA selection is coming soon.

Drop all these shit stuff. I enjoyed myself today with 12 of my classmates. It's realy madness. From starting the fire, to peeling 2 containers of prawns! Plus playing kinec which made me sweat like mad. My classmates are crazy actually. Especially, when all of us became World champions. You see, it's good to see all the noobs play together, then to see the pros do it. That's where all the laughter came from. Heehee. Thanks for this awesome day!

Alright, that's all. Tiring week ahead, I'll pull through it.

It's the fact and nothing but the fact.

Man, I sort of feel like going overseas to study after my o levels.

So that I can concentrate better and do even better.

But nah, my parents wouldn't allow this. :(

Because one thing leads to another.

As time goes,

I get more linkage between all the shit that's happening.

And I'm absolutely not looking forward to getting more.

The first link started out 7 years ago.

Idk what's happening to me.

For now, I just wish to be alone.

Today is sunday, and my weekends are ending again. But well, I'm not as unhappy and depressed as last week anymore. I felt much better after that Impromptu plan to go town with my mum and Bro at 8pm last night.

I don't know if it's the shopping or what. I'm not that negative towards my mum anymore. Because afterall she meant well and besides being alittle evil and pressurising me, she's actually rather thoughtful. Like she knows that I needa shop badly, so she brought me out. And if I look into every little small things she did for me, something as simple as waking me up in the morning and buying my favourite goodies. I believe my life wouldn't be this smooth without her. Gosh, why do I sound so cheesy. Must be that flu medicine, plus alittle bit of love, that my mum gave me just now.

And, I realise that life isn't that stressful afterall. I'm only 16 this year and I'm gonna experience more things and get more stress in the future. So whatever I'm experiencing now are just peanuts. Relax, take it easy and I'll fall in love with the books again.

Alright, have a great week ahead.

It's only the 3rd week of 2011 and I'm dying. Getting so worn out every week, feeling that 2 days of weekends are seriously not enough. NOT ENOUGH. My character is changing and I can feel it. It's like I'm gonna get a minor depression anytime man. Everything is not right. nonono. Being pressurized by my damn parents, getting all tired after matches and training and yet have to force myself to stay awake. Suck big time. I know I must get use to this and I will.

I hate it that I'm changing. I'm becoming short-tempered, becoming a bitch who don't care about how others feel and I'm like.. hmm, just changing. I dont know what's gotten into me seriously.

Just felt like blogging suddenly. Ok, so what should I say today. Hmm.. season's starting soon. This thurs vs Dunearn. And I think that terrible pain I got from my knee for the pass few days was due to the rain. Because it didn't rain today and my knee is perfectly fine. Ohdear, I'm becoming and old lady. Loool. I finished two cheena essay and one cheena compre today which is not alot actually. What a slacker i know.

You know the other day, I dreamt that I become damn bloody fat. Like I've got double chin, my tumy is worst than a pregant lady, and everything's just so fat. Then I was in those sibei CMI outfit, like I wore a hot pink tie? Haha. And I know I need to go shopping soon. So bored of all the smelly books, and getting myself stuck with the comp whole day. Kill me pls. I hope my internet crash. kidddd.

Ok, that's all. I think I need more than 24 hours everyday SERIOUSLY. Zzz.

There have been sooo many things running through my mind all the time. YES, ALL THE TIME. School, life getting worst as days goes by. I'm only at part 0.001 of my Studying for o level plan. I can't focus, I just can't. I need a focus lens. Loool, maybe I should convert myself to become hallejuyah, so that I can feel that there's still god that I can trust right. Loool.

And, I hate injuries. I HATE HATE HATE INJURIES! This is getting frigging annoying. Why must I get injuries everywhere before my season. Do you know how much/how long I've been training up for this season!? Being a failure last year is enough. I've been dying to get back into competition for a really long time. And now what, eveything is failing on me. How fucked up is this.

*ignore my previous post* that only applies to weekdays. Whatever it is, I just needa rant. JUST DIE. -.-