Trust life a little. I'm trying.

It ain't normal, it ain't recovering. Because I know that I've had enough, I can't swallow anymore, and I'm nearing my limit. It felt as if there's nothing positive about life, seriously. I spent my day, trying to convince myself. It's not working at all.

No one understands and that no one would.

A fucked up life,
A fucked up background,
Everything is just so fucked up.

All you care is about my status. You always claim that you love me, claim that you care for me. But have you ever wondered how long have I swallowed all the sorrow. Look, It's been 3-4 years, why can't you bloody understand the fucking situation I'm in. When can you put yourself in my shoes. When can you understand how I feel when you said all these shits.

I'm sorry, I gotta ignore and leave you. I'm sick and tired of all your nonsense.

I'M BACK FROM CAMP! AND I'M SAD/HAPPY. WILL POST ABOUT MALAYSIA AND CAMP SOON. AND I'LL BE FLYING TO TAIWAN IN 5 DAYS TIME!

It's been so long since I touched this site. I've got soo many things to update about. But I didn't really have the time to do it. It's like I'm really super packed. I've got extra curriculum from 1 nov - 16 nov. Then, I went malaysia from 17 nov - 21 nov. And I'll be having my SLC from 22 nov - 24 nov, 27 nov - 28 nov 3on3 and 30nov-4dec is taiwan trip. You tell me tired anot!

And I've decided to post about the trips etc. But I'm gonna post it after my camp. Basically, I went Bali from 4 nov - 7 nov. It's kind of boring I can say, bcos I went with my parents and my brother. Which is not that fun afterall. I believe if my cousins or friends come along, we wouldn;t be spending hours staying in the room watching disney channel. lol. The things there were pretty expensive and it's flooded with angmoh. And I didn't have the chance to beach, since none of my family members likes the sun. So beaching was out, but I swear that the angmoh babes are hotter than the hunks. Haha, my inspiration. ok, whatever.

Anyway, Malaysia trip was Awesome. though the living condition totally freak me out. Because it suck to the core. I'll update more with photos after my camp.

Please pray for me that everything will go smoothly for the camp. My body is too weak now to take any hiccups. Lol, don't make sense.

Ahhh, i'm sooo tired but I'm gonna survive. Been busy with all the SLC stuff. From dance practise, to meetings and doing proposals till midnight. However, if everything go smoothly during the camp, it's gonna be a very memorable moment. Though i complain about the process of making the camp possible, I enjoy it. Because I know at the end, I'll still miss the busy moments.

Oh well, I'm leaving for malaysia tmr till sunday. And I've got SLC from monday to wednesday. I really really hope that I can survive. Give me some strength. Neeways, we lost to SCGS today. For today play, I'm speechless.

Alright, i'm really tired and my eyes are closing. Will update again after I'm not so busy. Ohya, I received my holiday asignment and I almost "fainted". Full of cheeenaaaa manxzxs. My fav-ou-lert subject.

I HATE HATE HATE GETTING SICK.

especially in this busy month. Zzz..

So many things, so little time.

I need a breather.

you feel me?

SERIOUSLY, JUST FML MAN.

Fml, I bloody touch a lizard with my bare hands when I'm walking down the stairs in the dark. I'm gonna get night mare tonight

Fml, my tutor scolded me like shit bcos of my A maths paper and when I redo the paper, I realise that it's not that hard afterall. Just fml

Fml, my am I always used as my mother's messenger just bcos she's afraid of telling stuff to anyone of my family members and making use of me.

Fml, why am I given this kind of life, where I'm given this difficult situation which I have to control it so that no one gets hurt. But at the end of the day, the one getting tired and all sort of insane stuff is actually me.

I'm in a fucking difficult position now and I'm absolutely unhappy about it. I just hate it in all sorts of ways. You're someone who loves me, who watches me grow up but at the end causing the most misery to me unknowingly. fuck that, why am I always facing this kind of problems and it's always me! I try to be cool about it, I lie to myself that I'm ok with it. But the fact is that it's never ok.

F.M.L

This is getting creepy. Few days back, there's this man in his 40s, came to our house and press the doorbell while all of us is not at home. My helper went to the gate. That guy ask if this is my mother's house and claims that he is my mother's relative and refuse to answer when my helper ask for his name. The creepy part is that, my helper describe him as tall and skinny with spectacles and as much as I can remember, we have no relative that look that way. Also, that guy knows my mother's name.

And now, my dad thought of staying in singapore to take care of the house while we go overseas next thurs. Seriously, this doesn't make sense isn't it? A brain of a pea. Each time we make an overseas plan, something have to be there to ruin it. Either because of our busy scheldue or just some other sort of things.

I don't even feel the excitement now. Shithead. The tsunami in Indonesia turns me off as well. As I'm going bali, I would want to play some water sports. But now, bcos of the tsunami, I'm forbid to beach alot. Hmph

I was browsing through ramona's facebook and I saw all the photos we took as a team. So I went to dig out all the photos we took this year. Though some photos are really unglam, but all the smiles and laughter in it are so genuine. All the moments we had as a team this year just flash through my mind. I remembered the time when I'm told that I didn't enter the west zone team. I really thought of giving up. Despite me not being in the main 12, I still feel the love that my team mates gave me. It then made me realise that it's not about a team of 12 players, but a team of 14 of us. Trying their best not to make me feel left out, getting me involve in the team gathering to discuss about the west zone finals.

Look, it's gonna be November in 2 days time. This is how fast time has past without us realising. As time passes, people leave us, people change. No matter how badly you want things to be like before, it would never be. So for now, I'm gonna treasure these two months together with them before having a new team next year.

Seirously, I miss this team damn badly.

Awww man, that's so sweet!

Boring days, At the moment. I always rant about having training, but now I want it. Something wrong in the head right. Lol. Due to O levels, we are unable to have training. However, I've been spending my days playing badminton for the whole day. Till my arm hurts really badly, so bad that I can't evenn write.

Wasted my day today, woke up early in the morning when it's suppose to be my holiday, get to school and had photoshoot. Then, we're suppose to go balling but went pooling instead. Oh well, BORANG~

Dental appointment tomorrow, and I'm gonna get my PINK braces as I've promise Brian to put the same colour as him. Then, to SAS for friendly match. Tsk, why have friendly on a saturday when there's no school for them!! Tsk tsk tsk.

Now you see it,

Now you don't

Everyone's complaining about the haze and so am I. Damn sumatra for burning their own forest just because they need fertile land and that they have no money to cut down trees. Can't they see that the earth is dying? And now all of us are suffering because of them. Argh, and I can hardly leave house. I need an oxygen tank.

PSI = Please Stop Indonesia. hahahaha

LET'S RUN AWAY TOGETHER.

From reality to somewhere with no worries.

Damn, I can;t bloody get sick now. Have been having diarrhoea and on-off fever since sat. My match is starting this thursday and I'm still not in my best condition :( Oh well, my "holidays" are filled with events almost everyday. Took it in a good way, at least I'm able to keep myself occupied.

Took back 5 papers today, and I'm satisfied with my result. Though is not fantastic, I'm still happy. Especially for my English, no worries. But the worst has yet to come, A maths and Chem paper tomorrow. Anyway, I kind of lose control of myself during meeting today, just couldn't tolerate how inconsiderate people can get. Oh wells, let's hope things will get better and SLC would be a success.

Damn today's haze!

I think I'm a Noob, because honestly speaking, I still can't get over my a maths paper!! Argh, I know it's irritating and lame. But you know.. Sigh. Anyway, to celebrate that exam is over, We went to have sakae Buffet today and I bought myself a book today. I'm a nerd. nah, just kidding. Oh, and I found a link between me and lame. You see, PAMEla and LAME

SLC meeting today and I'm somehow excited for the camp. Gotta enjoy now before I face the devil next year. Oh wells, I think i need more colours to pamelaas. Alright, that's it. Exam's over, time to enjoy. Tmd, I'm still not happy la.

I needa beach, I needa beautiful night sky, I needa make a MAJOR decision, I needa time, I needa get my balling skills back, I needa lose weight, I need my hair to grow( my hairs are dropping as if it's free!),lastly, I need my a maths to at least pass!

Anyhow, I had a really weird dream.

I got owned by A maths, for the very first time. I guess is the pressure I gave to myself. Ever since I entered this class, all i can see is everyone working hard like mad. I tried to slack alittle but somehow, I grew more competitive (not the selfish way). I gave myself pressure, the need to really do well in Maths since my other subjects are just plain crap. This year, a new principal came and we have a new policy. Which is to waste our holiday copying the answer script 10 times for every subject we fail. For that, i studied till wee hours and wake up at 5.30am in somedays.

For today, during my maths paper, my mind went totally blank. For all the effort I put in has gone down the drain. I don't know what's up with me. My hands were trembling, i can't even sketch a proper graph. I swear it was shaking like mad. And just by plotting the points in the last 5 mins, I erase and re-write for 5 damn times. Time's up and I counted a total of 40 marks blank. I left the classroom immediately, I'm speechless and traumatize. Sighhhhhh

Maybe I really need a good break, or i may just go insane.

From what we are told, if we fail a subject, we gotta come back during the holidays to copy the answer script 10 bloody times. Thus, I'm working damn bloody hard so that my holiday won't be wasted. but well, after today, I know I'm most probably going back. Sighhhhhhhhh.

This is how creative my principal can get. In order for us to study hard. Well done. After tmr, 10am, I'm freeeee. Weeee can't wait. Let me think, i think i'm gonna spend my afternoon sleeping peacefully with no nightmares.

I swear exam gives me a nightmare. After studying about WW1, I dreamt that singapore is going through war and I saw a building, my grandmother's HDB block AGAIN, exploding. -.- Then.. Yesterday, I dreamt that I scored 6/30 for my physics MCQ. Plus, i've got lotsa sleepless night. Sigh, This is call examinsomia.

I'm so screwed. I may have to come back during my holidays to copy 10 times of the SS answer sheet. damnnnn. I wasted my time writing an irrelavant point for my essay and end up, I didn't have the time to finish up a 7 marks SBQ. Actually it's not the marks that really matters, it's the fact that I have to waste my holiday to copy the answer sheet IF I fail. Sigh. Damn!

Same day, same month, last year

I don't know if it's me or is it exam.

I've been feeling kinda weird these days.

I miss the past alot.

All those songs just bring me back to the past.

:(

"When we were in our childhood, our mother stands ahead of us to set as an example.

As we grows up and become a teenager, she is always behind her little one, to lend support whenever we need it.

As we grow up to become a matured adult, she starts walking next to you, so that we two can be friends forever.

In short, a mother is always there for her child at each and every stage of our lives. At some point of time in life, every child feels a need of saying thank you to their mother, for all that she has done.

Love it or hate it, she was your first love and will never be gone from your heart. "

- taken from www.randyys.blogspot.com

So true, isn't it?

Why do I kept having nightmares? Violent nightmares. There's this night, I dreamt that I quarrelled with _ _ and he was chasing me, trying to kill me. Then while taking an afternoon nap on fri, I dreamt that Weiyi and I were torturing Liyee. Then, on friday night, I dreamt that I got kidnapped with diane, and Diane was killed? And today, I overslept. My tuition was at 10am but I woke up at 10.45am. Well, it's because I dreamt that someone stole my bike and after awhile, I saw my mum tied to a building, opposite my grandmother's place -.- , together with my bike. I wanted to save her, but I'm afraid that there might be a bomb on her. So I got a policeman to help me instead. haha, What a dream right!

Maybe I did too much evil things. haha, but since when am I evil ? Heehee.

Seriously, what's with my luck these dayssss. On thurs, the weather was damn nice for a swim, but I was too tired. On Friday, I'm all ready for a swim, it started raining.

Today's the worst! Firstly, I went for training in the morning, and one of our warm up was towards the half court line and run backwards. So somehow, I just lose balance, fell backwards and hit my head right on the floor after rolling a few times. Secondly, I was hit by a ball, right on my mouth while doing a lay up. Which eventually cause a huge ulcer on my bottom lip.

Thirdly, my itouch died on me while i was waiting for bus in orchard. Forthly, I missed 3 packed bus and managed to squeeze into the forth one. However, it was very uncomfortable as i was carrying a very heavy bag which contain my shoes, jersey, etc.

Lastly, I met a very irritating taxi driver. After I board the taxi, the uncle told me that he would just drop me by the roadside as he's afraid of knocking into people's car while driving in, then why drive right!! So I wasted my money, and I've to walked in all by myself in the dark !!

Tell me, how unlucky is this!?