Can't believe I actually decided to touch this space again. I believe there's nobody who's here anymore.

Ohwell, pamzie here feels really lost. Like LOST, L.O.S.T. I was wondering why, and what really struck me was because I no longer have the team that I had before. I no longer have the classmates I had before. Nope, it's not that they are not good. But it's just... different. I'm not comparing as well, but the fact is that there's no group of people who I know is going to catch me when I fall. And yes, I think I'm falling soon.

It's all about adaptation right? I get this too when I first enter secondary school I think. Everything is tumbling down. I can't find the motivation, and the drive. Being in council and being in basketball was the main factor of me being discipline and working hard. But now, I feel like I'm left with nothing, nothing to ensure that my reputation is well kept and all. There's so many things that I want to achieve, I want to have. In fact, maybe I need it. But the environment that I'm in just seems to be pulling me down, down, and deeper down.

I feel like I've changed. I really hope things will get better along the way..

Sup.

Tomorrow is the result day and I'm feeling really erm, normal? It's like I've done my best. And there's only two answer tomorrow. It's either I'm really dumb or my hard work paid off.

Anyway, these few days was really crazy. I'm spending money like mad. I realise that I've got this bad habit whereby I'll start splurging on anything when I get really upset or stress. And yes, I'm severely broke now. Plus my mum is not increasing my allowance yet!

Ohwell, I realise that I'm actually unknowingly pushing some people out of my life. Feels funny. Okay, whatever. BYE

What's up.

Here's a blog post which I think it's really worth blogging about. It's gonna be pretty long.

Last Monday, during our gathering at Mdm sharm's place, I was really random and suggested that we go overnight cycling together. So everyone was interested in it and slowly, we planned out the cycling trip and booked the chalet on the spot, like immediately!

So on 1st Jan, Met up with Shimin, Ivan, kenny and Zhao xuan first. Took the train down to Pasir Ris, walked around looking for bicycle kiosk. We rented our Bike, taught Shimin how to ride the bike, had dinner and Mdm Sharm came to look for us to lepak haha. Waited for Jieming and Nicole to arrive before we set of on our journey. I was rather scared at first, because Shimin just learnt how to ride the bike! I swear she's crazy, her first cycling trip is not in the park, but is cycling from Pasir Ris to Marina Bay!

Decorated our bike with light sticks first.

Set off at about Midnight and in 1-2 hours, we are only at siglap road, which is mad far from our destination.


Found a petrol kiosk, bought some pastry and took a break at the bus stop.

Continue cycling, all the way to geylang and then down to 3 Mrt stops. By that time, Shimin already fell flat for like 5 times? I was rather scared to see her fall so I went forward first. Haha, so mean.

After about 3 hours of torture cycling, we finally see the flyer. I swear we were freaking happy. We were like screaming at the top of our voice. Cycle along the nicoll highway and we saw another group of cyclist. You know, the feeling of shouting Happy new year to the others, and screaming our lungs out as we dash through the nicoll highway. It's just priceless. I feel so light at that time. The feeling of shiok-ness. (:

Finally reached the Flyer, then the Helix bridge after 4 hours of cycling. Our butts and thighs are aching like mad. Sit on the steps and enjoy the breeze, feels freaking good.

Rested for awhile and decided to head down to Marina Barrage to catch the second Sun rise in 2012. Reached there, find a spot and everyone just made themselves comfortable. Played music, sing along and soon after ,everyone just doze off.

Left Barrage and decided to fetch a cab at MBS as we are mega shagged by that time. But all of the cabs rejected us.

Dialed for 3 cabs and we realise that it's impossible to put a single bike inside. All of us were feeling so tired and helpless. Like we need to return our bike by 10am and we were too tired to cycle back to pasir ris. We were stuck at the flyer! Everyone was so grumpy and serious. Finally, managed to get a Van, but we can only put 4 bikes in and there's no other Vans available.

Hence, Kenny, Zhaoxuan and I decided to cycle back. Like another 25km back? We were like dashing under the hot sun with all the heavy vehicles on the road. And as our phone batts are dying, we didn't use any GPS to head back, we just use our memory. Amazing isn't it. Within 2 hours, we reached Pasir Ris.

By that time, our butts are so sore that we have trouble walking, standing and sitting. It's just so freaking painful. Had our breakfast at Mac, rested for alittle while and we checked in into our chalet room.

Look at their Mega tired face. haha.

Bathed and all of us just fell asleep instantly. Had like the best sleep since forever.

Woke up, had dinner at pastamania. Then being so lack of childhood, we went to the arcade. The guys were so addicted to fishing joy, and we topped up like $20 worth of credit and we were given another $20 free. Played all the way till midnight. And these are what we won with our Ticketssss.

Bought some Liquor and headed back to our Chalet. Chilled, talked and star gazed. The stars in the east side is freaking good, really! I don't know why i'm so amazed by stars. One day, I wanna star gaze for the whole night with the right companion. hehe, #justsaying.

Played Poker and and Indian Poker. It's so freaking funny.

Woke up late in the morning. Bathed and Checked out. Had our breakfast and guess what, we went to the arcade for Fishing joy again. We are so freaking lifeless, I know. Spent all of our credit, then we headed down to SCAPE to get my white Guitar before heading home. Was so reluctant to part with them.

Was suppose to meet Faith at town in the evening but I was totally draineedddd. And my butt is still aching like mad. NO CYCLING FOR THE NEXT 3 MONTHS! haha. Well, all in all, these 3 days were really good. It's like after so many years, we can still remain as close as ever. I really wonder when will be the next time I can have this much of fun with them again, since my school is starting soon :(. Oh, btw, they are my Primary school classmates. Haha.

Alright, that's all. Happy New Year everyone and NOT to me only. Haha. Mega shaggedd, training and match tmr again. Life's back to normal for me.

Many a times, I want to update this space here. But I don't really find the purpose. Like who am I writing to. But anyway, here's a short update. Let's see.. After my prom, the next thing that happened was the Taiwan trip. Though it's really short, as our flight there was in the evening and our flight back was in the afternoon, I did enjoyed myself for the 3 days with my lovely girls. The last night was chaos, was kind of bad, but oh well, nevermind. After that, it was just training and hanging out. Nothing much.

After that on the 10th of Dec, I went Bintan with Xiaofei and Biru. It was screwed all thanks to the weather. No activities, due to the rain that never stops. But we manage to catch the lunar eclipse with lotsa stars. Came back on the 12th, reached home, and I went to meet my classmates to prepare Liyee's present before heading to her house to surprise her. The surprise was so successful and it's kind of funny actually. Then, we celebrated her birthday on the 13th. So from then till now, my life is merely filled with Trainings and, shopping maybe? Okay, I lost count of the days and my memory is failing.

Ohwell, MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! Okay, maybe to me. haha

How much more true can this get. I've learn too much this year.

Many a times I want to start blogging, but I kind of lost touch of blogging already. Besides, I doubt there's anyone who's still reading my space. haha. So anyway, my post Os activities are kind of good. I don't really slack alot, except for yesterday.

So on the 22nd of November, it was my prom night. Got to reitian's house in the afternoon, start dolling up, putting make up and scaring myself from the way I look, then we head over to Furama city centre for our Prom. Reached there, and I was kind of pissed. They totally anyhow seat and our table was taken by others. So no choice, we gotta split ourselves. and some of us ended up sitting at the teachers' table. The host was crap and hence, we ended up outside the ballroom snapping photos. It's like more than half of the students are outside! So yeah, I still find this whole night a memorable and awesome one. It's not about the host or the food. It's about the company. Awww.

Rest of the photos are in Facebook.

Will post about my Taiwan trip later or something!

I know it's been like a million years since I've last blog. I mean making a proper blog post. So yeah, after 2 years of somewhat suffering, my O levels is FINALLY, F-I-N-A-L-L-Y OVER!!!!! OHMY, I can't express how happy I am. I believe I've tried my best in all of my papers. Though I'm really worried for some of my subjects especially English as I know that I've severely screwed it up. Oh well, wait till the release of my results and see how it goes.

My first two days of freedom was somewhat well spent. It was town with Guoyao, Liyee and JIngyi right after my last paper. I got some of my stuff for Prom. And this super act smart me, went to buy a 4.5 inch wedge when I've never wore any heels/wedge in my entire life. Guess I've to get another heels. Sigh. After that, went Chomp Chomp with Yvonne, Olivia, Biru and Xiaofei to celebrate Olinehneh's birthday. I ate till I look as if I'm 3 months pregnant. Ah, just kidding. But I really ate damn alot. And the Irony, my prom is next week. Good job huh.

Last night was the best sleep I've ever had, no alarms, no nightmare. My mind is not filled with anything. It's just, sleep. Played tetris, watch 'The Oath'. side track alittle, Y'know this local drama, the oath, made me tear. Like finally a show that made me tear. After that went over to queensway alone to get my spectacles and bought shampoo for my upcoming trips. Yeap, I spent almost 45 mins travelling, and I spent like 10 mins there. Zzz.

So here's a story. So, I left queensway and was standing at the pavement, at a cross junction. It was just random, I was looking blankly at this particular taxi. So the green light shown and this taxi is making a big turn, suddenly, it turn towards my direction, DIRECTLY AT ME. I was shocked, I literally took a step back and go " WOAHHHHH" KIND OF LOUDLY. But before the taxi reaches me, it knocked down a motorcyclist and the taxi stopped. I swear I was damn shock, I almost cried man.

A small diagram to show how the taxi move:

The scariest part is my sixth sense. So I was staring blankly, looking at the taxi. And in my mind I was thinking of a movie that I watched before, where a girl got knocked down by a van while standing at the pedestrain. So I was thinking what if the car hit me, and at the moment, the taxi really changes it diection towards me. No, it's not an illusion, and I'm not exxaggerating. I'm serious. But well, I really really hope that the motorcyclist is alright.

After that, I was thinking. If it really hits me, then I'll be the most unlucky person. Bcos I just finished my O levels man!! But thank god I'm safe. I've a phobia of cross junction now.

Ok, that's all. Finally a more normal post after a year of ranting. Gonna head for chalet later with my classmates. Awesome time babeh.

7 years ago, I should be dead. Why allow me to continue my suffering here with you dude.

The older I get, the greater the impact.

Pain. Helpless. Pathetic.

I always like to do things that I'm good at to bring my self esteem up, each time I feel very useless. But I really don't know what I'm good at already. My confidence level is dropping.. O's in 16 days. I dont know what to feel anymore.

Sick.

:(

Guess I'm here this time round to rant.. again. So I got back all of my prelims result this week and I think I sort of screw it. I know 20 points for R5 is not say extremely bad, but it's way more than my target. It's like I always dont deserve what I work hard for. I know that sometimes things don't work out the way we want it even though we work hard for it and all we have to do is to stand up and try again and again and again. But look, talk is cheap, so cheap. It's like the last 32 days I guess. And I'm like at a helpless state. I don't know if it's PMS or what, but my mood is way too dull. I was never like this, I don't like that shag face of mine either. But I'm just too bothered. Guess I've really changed, I was never ever bothered about my results at all..

For now, I'm really considering rejecting my DSA to HCI. A twenty pointer entering HCI is a major joke. It sounds stupid, but I really don't want to enter such elite school and allow people to look down on me. I don't deserve a place there. I really need a break, I don't want to waste my fucking life studying. I really don't want to sound pathetic. But I'm way too helpless..

Sucks big time.

Honey cheesy apple pie

Sup, it's been so long, again. I've actually lost touch of blogging. Oh well, let's see. I've been working kind of hard these few weeks. And I swear I've never work so hard in my entire life, and maybe i'm gonna say that 2 years later.

I fucking miss everyone and everything. It's like I want to go back to 5 months ago, when I'm heavily involve with basketball. I'm happier. I can see all the smiles around me. What's happening now is alittle worst than I've expected. Time is passing way too fast. I'm graduating in 3-4 weeks time. That's it, 10 years of education.

What's worst, I'm only left with 2 months break. Freaking 2 months before I enter college. Ok, college is kind of a big word to me now. Sometimes, I really don't wish to grow up :( sometimes, I hope that I wouldn't lose certain people. Sometimes, I wish I can take things naturally. Sometimes, I wish I'm not Pamela .. Ohwells, wake up Pam.

Y'know at some point in time, you will realise that there are some people who can mean so much to you? #justsaying

"You meet someone. You two get close. It's all great for awhile. Then someone stops trying. Talk less. Awkward conversations. The drifting. No communication whatsoever. Memories start to fade. Then that person you know becomes that person you KNEW. That's how it usually goes, right? Sad isn't it. " - Unknown

So true isn't it. Those that deserves, will stay I guess. Pam oh pam, You just got to adapt to changes. Everyone's adapting except for you.

Just, close one bloody eye.

Fate

You know as time pass, as things changes, as destiny is made, I'm really afraid that I might just lose everyone at the end of the day. But that's something that can't be help. Everyone ought to leave each others life someday. Just someday. So who's gonna stay? I can't predict, I can't do anything.

Just tired.

Ok, I know the above photo is unglam but that's like the best photo that I can use to talk about this special day.

Today is kind of a special day to me. Alright, let me start from the beginning.

So few weeks back, Mr goh met me and told me about us having the need to run this year's sports fiesta due to the lack of councillors. I gotta admit that I was kind of 'sian' at first as we've like step down and we have to do this again. So yeah, I spent 3 nights with Hakim on msn to do the scheldue and everything to make this whole thing run smoothly. It was kind of complicating.

Today is the day, we met super early. And I was really happy to get full attendance despite the fact that we have already stepped down. So we set up everything, finish the frist round of the floorball games and it starts to drizzle. Then heavy downpour. Yeap, everything have to stop and all of us were like 'saving' each other and seeking shelter at the tentage.

So there's this plan made by our principal to move everyone to the assembly area. And hence the councillors started taking the initiatives and we start our so call umbrella parade. It was kind of tiring but it's just awesome. Not exactly fun, but awesome! I don't know what kind of feeling is this, like I'm proud of the councillors, I'm proud to be a councillor.

Everything ended with the last council cheer which was damn bloody loud. Man, I feel like crying after that. It's like a family.

This shall be one of the best days in 2011

Woahhhhhhhhh.. I just realised that I've not land here for a very long time. How's everyone? lol. So.... well, my exams are over. Got back my results and it's like, so far so bad. Damn it, but it's ok, I'm good at comforting myself. Take this as a form of a wake up call, and clarify my doubts. I've got like less than 14 weeks which is seriously very little.

So yeah, I'll be slogging like mad in the last 14 weeks. 3 more months of pain, and I'll get the pride in my O level cert forever. HANG IN THERE EVERYONE!

Yeah, I know I've been away for 10 days. Away from the Internet. Hmm, actually not really, I've been refreshing my twitter timeline over and over again. Though I said I'm gonna quit twitter at the beginning of the week, but look I'm still refreshing the timeline. Lol, social network is a killer. And I'm kind of unhappy at the fact that the world is revolving around technology. And it sort of isolate people from each other. It's like you can go out with a group of friends, who's all holding on to an iphone and exercising their finger.

So for the past few days, I've been observing the changes in me and everything that happened over the years. When we were so much younger, all we want is to be able to grow older, being able to hang out more often. But for now, after I;ve grown much older, I realise that time is so limited and that it is not so easy hanging out anymore. We are afraid of awkward moments, we are doubtful about everything under the sun. That's human's nature right.

I used to be the sort of person who initiates alot, but soon after, I got tired. Back then, was I even like that? The truth is, people around me makes me tired, makes me want to leave. And I gotta confess that I lose people easily, and when I try to get them back, it's alittle too late. And I'm refering to no one in particular. That's the problem with me, I can't accept too much cons in a person. But if I were to put myself in their shoes, I'm no better. Or perhaps even worst. If I were pamela loh's friend, I wouldn't tolerate her. Thinking about that, I'm actually not a very lovable person.

Y'know in the past, I always think that I'm a more matured sort of person as compared to people of my age because of my family background and all the shits I go through. But I'm sooo wrong. It's like this background, makes me so judgemental and I sort of give myself "rules". My family, is so judgemental. They comment about each other and I see that there's dislikeness. I tried not to fall in, but eventually I did. And that at the end of the day, makes me lose people around me. Take my dad as an example, with all the negative remarks, I tried to believe that he's not that sort of person. But because of one minor mistake he made, that made me so mad, I ignored him for 3 months. I tried forgiving, but I can't. And to think about it, it's gonna be even worst in the future.

I used to have a certain limit of pride in myself, but now, I'm giving in and giving in. Because I can't afford to lose people anymore. And I really don't know the actual meaning of getting it back. It's just me you see. I dislike changes. Sometimes I just want have a thought of wasting my life away and be useless, but sometimes I really thought of becoming a useful person. I don't see what's ahead of me.

I feel angry all the time. Every single time. I'm dying to get everything off my chest. I'm dying for a reborn!

Situation change, people change, life changes. Something is bothering me.

As you can see, I was having fun. Yeap, indeed it was fun. Went Kuta Kinabalu for a 4D3N trip. It was good though I didn't do any shopping at all. Honestly, I prefer this kinda trip compared to shopping. You know, just Chill at the beach. So I went to some Island for water sports on the 2nd day and up to the mountain top on the 3rd day. Sun burns and all. Though my bro isn't those very beachy sort of person, I still manage to watch the sea for alittle while. And I like that.

My wish is fufilled. Love my parents for letting me have a getaway. Everything is so good, I love this trip. Beautiful sky, beautiful beaches, awesome food, awesome live performance at Hotel Lobby at night. But just lack of a right companion. ;) Something bad is that I actually brought my notes with me, and I manage to scan through alittle. Suckkkk.

And it was a mistake to go online. Hate the fact that I'm so dependent on technology.

But still, I'm happy and I feel so much better when I study. Enjoy the last week of your holidays people!

You know, when the principal told us that our mid-year will be after our june Holidays, I was kind of happy with that decision. But to think of it now, and to experience it now, it sort of suck. Bcos there's no one to drill us and our holiday is spent procastinating at home. And tada, it's exam time, there goes our holidays. :( So saddening.

Anyway, i was looking through all of the photos that I took in 2010 and WOW, I didn't know that being a O level student could make such a huge difference in my life! Like there's no council, no trainings, no matches. I miss every single one of it!! Now I understand what it meant by, people will only appreciate things that they lose.

For the pass 4 days, I've been doing and doing maths, and maths and maths. It's tiring, especially when I stay at home for the pass 4/5 days. And it suck, because I just sit there and watch the time passes, watch the sun set. I wanna head out to ball and do what teens do man! sigh, tough being a singaporean student. Well, face the fact pam.

Next up, I would like to complain about how BIG SIZE I AM NOW (DONT WANT TO USE FAT) I look at the photos, man, I USED TO have hour glass figure you know!!! And now what, after a few days of munching on titbits, well donez.

Looking through the photos, i realise how much i've grown. My eyes are getting uglier due to the lack of sleep. My hair is getting shorter. Hahaha, Do you feel different seeing me in my short hair as compared to my long hair? bcos I don't feel any different. haha.

Ok, I should just sleep now. Nightz blogger.com

Mamamamama, I need food, i want food. Maybe it's pre-menstrual cravings. All the time, before my period comes, I will crave for all kinds of food. And I'll be freaking hungry. Anwww, Life's a bore. Everyday I'm studying ~ andd

LIFE'S A BORE
LIFE'S A BORE
LIFE'S A BORE!

Hahaha, I think I'm not in the right mind now. Wellz, this week is a math week, next week will be a science week before I fly to KOTA KINNABALU for a short Getaway. Where's that? sounds far? It's just Malaysia. But still, it's a beachy place. And mua love beachy place. Hope it's not as boring as Bali trip. Hiak hiak. Alright, guess i'm gonna study alittle before I head out to study alone.

Ciaoz